Identity is, to me, a fascinating concept, but I didn't think much about it until a couple of years ago. That was when I got involved in Second Life (SL), a place I first went to investigate the technology.Perhaps I should start with some things about me. I'm a techie, a software developer and wannabe visionary. I first started investigating SL in 2006 to see what could be done with virtual world technology. If I did see a lot of possibility with the tech, I was also very surprised by relationship.
It turns out that SL is more about relationship–who and where–than it is about technology. And one of the most dramatic relationships, at least for me, has been that between my "real life" (RL)* and my SL selves. That almost sounds as if we're discussing a multiple personality disorder, but I don't think that's it. Rather, I find the relationship of Tho Millgrove and my RL self to be simple and complex. They are both me, yet they're not the same. Or, I could say they are both my identities, but they are not identical, each influencing as well as being influenced.
That is to say, Second Life and other virtual spaces have had a profound influnce on the inner me. I still recall my first month in SL as a time of very vivid dreaming, with my subconscious mind trying to make sense of and integrate this new self into my psyche. In the subsequent time, when things have become much calmer and steadier, there have still been periods of profound disturbance as events and realisations have affected me.
Once, I was experimenting with a text viewer, and wanted to see if my avatar was rendering properly. So I went in world with an alternate avatar–an alt–in the regular SL viewer. The effect was, surprisingly to me, very disturbing. I saw her there, looking like she always does. The normal viewpoint in SL is from a "camera" behind the avatar, and it's not unusual to move that camera view and look at your own avatar from many different angles. And yet, unlike that, this felt felt like an out-of-body experience. I quickly logged the alt out, and shook my head at how odd it had been.
So, ultimately, who am I? Who is "myself"? Is it RL self or SL self, or do they both exist as windows onto an inner reality? I tend to believe the later, and that has a profound effect on how I deal with many of the discussions about things like "immersion and augmentation", role playing, and even friendship, trust, sexuality, religion. I intend to talk about specifics in future posts, but I wanted to make a start.What do you think about identity and virtual worlds?
* Many SL users prefer not to use "real life", choosing alternatively to use "first life", "atomic life", or "physical life". But, by now "real life" has become rather ingrained in common usage, "first life" only makes sense in the context of "Second Life", and the other two sound to me more like biology terms. So I'll just use RL.
